


To Sit Still

by wowbright



Series: Glee Reaction Fic to s06e07 "Transitioning" [5]
Category: Glee
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s06e07 Transitioning, Gen, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 20:49:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3395888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wowbright/pseuds/wowbright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt tries to figure out Blaine. His dad provides some useful advice. A hopeful Klaine reaction to Glee 6.07 “Transitioning.” Thanks: to <a>nachochang</a>, <a>damnpene</a> and <a>chiasmuslovesme</a> for betaing. Also on <a href="http://wowbright.tumblr.com/post/111517772070/fic-to-sit-still">tumblr</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Sit Still

It’s the morning after Kurt’s double-date with Sam and Rachel. Kurt wakes up in a good mood, the shift from sleep to wakefulness eased by the sound of Unique’s voice in his head, the choir’s words reverberating in his body: “There's a road we must travel, there's a promise we must make. But the riches will be plenty worth the risk and the chances that we take.”

He hums happily to himself in the shower, remembering how palpable the music felt against his skin as he stood in the stage’s wings – loud and overwhelming and glorious, echoing through his bones, more solid than Rachel’s hand squeezing his.

He wishes Blaine had been there.

The music stops. All Kurt hears now is water streaming out of the pipe, thudding against his body.

He sees Blaine’s face as it was yesterday in the choir room. Eager and hopeful and ... sad, suddenly, when Blaine realized it was Kurt in the choir room and not Rachel. Not any kind of sadness, either. It was the look of regret Blaine gets when he’s about to say something that will hurt Kurt.

So Blaine said nothing.

What was it that Blaine wanted to tell Rachel? Something about Dave, probably. Maybe they’ve decided to upgrade from shacking up in a rented apartment to buying a brownstone in Columbus. Maybe Dave popped the question and instead of saying, “Um, I kissed Kurt at Rachel’s party so maybe now’s not the best time,” Blaine said, “Yes.”

Kurt knows his train of thought borders on ridiculous, but … did Blaine have a ring on his finger? Kurt scours his memory but comes up with nothing. It would probably be in bad taste to text Walter to see if he remembers.

 _You talk about Blaine more than I talk about my ex-wife_ , Walter said on their fifth date. Walter smiled and let out a little laugh when he said it, but his crow’s feet didn’t crinkle the way they do when Walter’s really happy.

Yes. It would be in very bad taste to ask Walter.

Kurt rotates the shower nozzle to its hardest setting. He lets the water beat down on his scalp. He hopes it will beat out every memory of Blaine.

* * *

Kurt and his dad are way overdue for time together – Burt’s only been home for a total of two weeks since Kurt returned to Lima – but Kurt’s too distracted and irritable to make the best of it. He grumbles when he realizes they’re short on buttermilk, even though it won’t ruin anything to substitute regular milk with a little lemon juice, and then he snaps at his dad for cutting the strawberries crosswise instead of lengthwise. “Dad, presentation is _key._ We taste food with our eyes as much as our mouths.”

“Kiddo, is something going on with you? You’ve been moody as hell all week, and this morning you’re walking around like someone stole all your Alexander McKing scarves.” Burt resumes slicing the strawberries, this time correctly.

“Alexander Mc _Queen_ , Dad,” Kurt groans. “I bet you know that. too. You probably just said his name wrong to irritate me.”

Burt sets down his paring knife flat, puts both palms flat on the island counter. “Is something going on with that Walter guy? He do something to upset you last night?”

Kurt stops stirring the batter. If he keeps going, it’ll get overmixed and be ruined. “You wish.”

Burt picks the knife back up and delicately severs a strawberry from its stem. “Sure, it’s weird for me that you’re dating a guy who had his masters degree before I graduated high school. But I don’t ever like seeing you get hurt.”

“It’s not Walter,” Kurt sighs. “If he did something to upset me, I’d just stop hanging out with him. I wouldn’t mope about it.”

“So you agree you’ve been moping.”

“I’m trying not to. I’m trying to move on with my life. But Blaine –” Kurt slumps back, sinking his weight against the counter’s edge.

“Ah. Blaine.” Burt nods sympathetically. “I guess I should’ve known.”

“I can’t figure out what’s going on with him. He says one thing one minute and the next thing he’s doing another, and he has a boyfriend but he wants to spend all this time with me, and he keeps  showing up at New Directions rehearsals even though he is the coach of our competing team  –”

“Slow down. Why don’t you start at the beginning.”

Kurt gives a smirk. “You mean the first time we laid eyes on each other and ran through the hallowed halls of Dalton holding hands?”

Burt refuses to smile. “Hmm, maybe start a little more recently, with whenever he became more confusing than normal.”

Kurt sighs. He could tell his dad about the elevator, but that story would take all morning and probably end with Burt on the front stoop of Sue’s house trying to pound down her door with his bare fists. So he starts a little more recently. “Mr. Schuester had a party a couple weeks ago, and Blaine showed up without Karofsky. And I made an assumption.” Kurt walks back to the island and picks up a lemon. “And you know what happens when you assume.”

“You make an _ass_ out of _u_ and _me_.”

Kurt nods. “It’s just that every time I’d seen him outside of show choir stuff lately, Karofsky’s been tagging along with him. I thought … I _assumed_ they broke up. But Blaine didn’t say anything to me about it. So I figured he just needed a little nudge.” Kurt takes the microplane and starts scrubbing the lemon against it, little specks of zest falling to the butcherblock below.

“What kind of nudge?”

“I set it up so Blaine and I would get paired off to sing a duet at Rachel’s party.  We’ve always had such good chemistry when we sing. I thought maybe he’d see and –” Kurt swallows. It seems so silly in retrospect, so naïve. ”I thought I’d win him back. But then it turned out  that he’s still dating Karofsky.”

“Ah. So your plan didn’t work out.”

“That’s the problem, actually. It kind of did.”

Burt raises his eyebrows.

“At the party, after we sang? He kissed me.”

Burt leans against the counter and gives Kurt an appraising look – that one that means he’s trying to read between the lines. He’s silent for long moment. “And you didn’t play any part in that?” he finally says, his tone only slightly accusatory.

Kut doesn’t get defensive. He’s too worn out for that. Anyway, his dad knows Kurt returned to Lima because he wanted to win back Blaine. There’s no reason Burt shouldn’t suspect Kurt would try a little more ardently than appropriate. He doesn’t know how much Kurt’s grown up in these last few months. “Not really. I tried to be friendly at the party, but I kept my distance, too. And I thought we were sort of on the same page. He kept talking about how we’re so good as friends, and he literally mentioned Karofsky, like, three sentences before he kissed me. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Burt looks lost in thought. He scratches his forehead, his fingers leaving a small streak of strawberry juice in their wake. “In my experience, Kurt, when people don’t make any sense, it’s usually because you need to talk to them and find out what they’re thinking. Did you talk to him?”

Kurt grabs a tea towel off the counter and steps toward his dad. “I just stood there. I was in shock, I guess. And then he got this horrified look on his face, and he left the party. I haven’t heard from him since.”

“Have you tried getting in touch with him?”

“No.”

“Hmmm.” Burt scratches his chin and leaves another red smear there.

Kurt waits for more words to follow, but there’s nothing. His dad’s just looking at him like Kurt is supposed to be able to figure out the answer himself. Kurt gestures with the tea towel. “You’ve got strawberry juice all over your face,” Kurt says.

“Oh?” says Burt.

Kurt spits on the towel and dabs at the spots on his dad’s forehead and jaw until they’re clear. “Also, you’re gonna have to give me more than ‘hmmm,’ Dad. I’m not a mindreader.”

“True,” Burt says. He takes the towel from Kurt and tosses it next to the kitchen sink. “You’re _not_ a mindreader. So if you want to know what Blaine’s thinking, maybe you’re gonna have to talk to him. You guys sure aren’t going to solve anything by avoiding each other.”

God, Kurt’s dad can be such a smartass sometimes. “I’m not avoiding him. I’m giving him space. He has a boyfriend, remember?” Kurt folds his arms tight across his chest. “And there’s nothing for me to say, anyway. He knows how I feel.”

“Does he?”

“Of course he does. He’s the reason I moved back to Lima.”

“But now you’re dating that Walter guy.”

“I go on dates with Walter. Were not _dating_. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend.”

Burt leans forward, both hands on the counter. “How does Blaine know that? How does he know you’re not going to turn him down again?”

“How can he _not_ know?” Kurt blinks back tears.

Burt voice goes soft. “You still love him?”

Kurt nods. It’s hard to speak. A tear trails down his cheek and over his jaw. He wipes it away, but another one comes. The only words he can manage are, “Too much.”

“Then you tell him, Kurt. It’s either that or walk away.”

Kurt shakes his head. “I can’t.”

Burt wipes his hand on his apron. He sets it on Kurt’s shoulder, turning Kurt to face him. “When you came home to get Blaine back, you know I thought you were moving too fast, that maybe you guys needed more time apart, more time to grow up and learn how other people tick. But now I don’t know. Maybe that’s something you need to do with him instead of on your own. Lord knows I wasn’t the epitome of maturity when I married your mom.” Burt rolls his eyes, then sighs out a huff of laughter. “Geez, that sounds like … I’m not saying ask him to marry you. I’m definitely not saying that. But if you’re happier with him than without him? You need to tell him that.”

“What if he says no again?”

“It’s a risk you’ve got a take. Standing still’s not getting you anywhere.” Burt gives Kurt’s shoulder a soft squeeze – a hug in miniature. “Trying to be just friends isn’t working out too well for you, is it?”

Kurt lifts his own hand to his shoulder, puts it over Burt’s. “No. I thought that being with him wasn’t working out. But it was all…  my expectations that weren’t working out. I thought things should be perfect and easy just because I love him, and I’d get frustrated out of proportion when they weren’t.” He looks up at his dad. “Love doesn’t work like that, does it?”

Burt shakes his head. “Sometimes love’s the hardest thing in the world.”

“It’s worth it to me,” Kurt says. “I know Blaine and I aren’t a perfect match. We don’t always understand each other, and I can be way too stubborn and way too bristly, and his energy can be overwhelming sometimes. But I want to learn how to fit better with him. I want to learn how to be more patient. And he’s the one I want to do that with.”

“Then I think you know what to tell him.” Burt smiles bittersweetly. “You know.”

* * *

When they’re done eating and washing up from brunch, Kurt goes back to his room and flips through his CD collection. It’s been too long since he’s listened to the soundtrack of _Hairspray._ He finds it eventually, reads the track listing before popping it into his laptop and turning on the wireless speaker.

As the music washes over him, he finds himself smiling. It doesn’t sound as good as Unique and her choir did last night, but the words are still what he needs to hear. He sings along. With each note, he feels a little stronger, a little more sure – a little more ready to say what he needs to say to Blaine.


End file.
